Porak poranda…..^^

Hai2…hohoho…kynya tinggal aq aja nie yg blom posting^^
hmm…binun mo nulis apaan di posting perdana saking byknya hal yg udh bikin perasaanku porak poranda *alah.haha* , mpe ada byk lagu yg serasa jd ost kehidupan pribadi wekekek…
Mulai dari laguna D’cinnamons-Loving you, Tata Young-Crush on u, mpe laguna Celine Dion yang “I love you, goodbye”.
Mungkin kalian2 pd bertanya-tanya *sapa???emang ada yg tanya getu?!* knp tu lagu bs dalem banget menurut aqyu.hehehe
Awalnya ga gt perhatian ma nie lagu mpe suatu hr si mpit blg gn:
Mpit : ce, cb dech dgrin laguna D’cinnamons yg ”Loving you”. Kok kynya kmu bgt yach…?
Aq : iya ta?masa sie?emang gmn?
*dikirimlah lyric tu lagu ma mpit*–> lyric bs diliat d blognya mpit

Eh ternyata bener lo bo’…aq bgt.huhuhu….ngenes. *yg mana yg dalem bgt?ya semuanya…..setiap detail lyricnya!ough…*
Tu lagu pas bgt ma yg kualami beberapa waktu lalu ma sum1 di jogja yg ga tau diri*lho???*
Gmn ga dibilang ga tau diri coba?udh ditunggu mpe lebih dr 2 taon tetep aja ga ngrasa! *sapa suruh nunggu?haha*.
Hm….tp tu hanya sepenggal kisah lama yg baru kuakhiri beberapa waktu lalu *lho?berarti ga lama dunk…??*.
Yup, emang ga lama. Kejadian berawal dari hadirnya sum1 yg tb2 mampir in my mind n my heart *alah* tanpa permisi dulu *emang gmn cr permisinya??* , yg udh nyebabin aq bwt mengakhiri penantianku ke sum1 yg di jogja itu *waw*. Hihihi…I think…I’m in luv again! *Oh God…*

I wish upon a star, Wanna be right where u r….
U set my world on fire, Babe I got a crush on u….
…….
Do u want me, like i want u?

Hohoho…Sapakah gerangan dia???? *ada deych….mau tauuu ajah!hehe* . Hm…heran jg knp bs org itu?????ga tau awalnya gmn+kpn, pdhl da kenal dia 4 taon lebih tp br akhir2 nie aja dkt.
Uhh…pengen bgt menghindar dr ”feeling” itu coz kynya bakal berakhir dgn ga indah lg. Tp kok ya susah bgt. Palagi makin hr makin deket ma tu org. Huhuhu…ga pengen byk berharap, secara aq tau tipenya yg ky gmn…*udh dieliminasi duluan sblm mendaftar kale…hehehe…ngenes*, udh gt aq jg tau dia lg in luv ma org laen *lengkaplah sudah penderitaanku –> hiperbola belaka*. Ough…hopeless dech poko’na. Cinta…Cinta….derita tiada akhir *wakakak.ga jg sie…*

So….bwt sum1 yg ngrasa ada di ceritakuw ini….wat should i do????pliz help me 2 choose where 2 stance…

I don’t really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know
This is the kindest thing to do
You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that I could never be
Who’ll give you something better than the love you’ll find with me
……
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love u, goodbye…..

- bwt kamu….thx yach…udh nyerewetin biar buru2 ngelarin skripsi *percaya ga percaya tu berpengaruh jg loch…hehehe.Jgn GR!*, bwt semangat, bwt perhatian *meskipun mungkin ga berarti bagimuw :p *…mo ga mo tu dah nambahin corak baru dlm hidupkuw.wehehe….
- bwt agen rahasia….mana tanggung jawab kalian sbg agen? masa klien harus bertindak sendiri?cpd…aq nyerah aja wis….hehe
- bwt mbah ayik…maap mbah….kynya ramalan embah ada yang salah nech….wakakak

when pieces don’t fit anymore…[still mellow times]

Wabah mellow gy melanda gwe lagi, di tengah2 kebingungan gwe of how buat ngoding TA gwe, but thx 4JJl, bnu mo bantuin today… thax yah nu,… thx juga buat mba luk…. you’re d best support i have emang, luv ye sist ;>.

as what the title of this blog above….. when pieces don’t fit here anymore…. kalu dah gitu, mo apa coba kita?? Nyerah? dibilang Loser, keep trying?? entahlah….*sigh*

sounds memboringkan postingan gwe today [emang yang sebelumnya engga yah?? haha],, i don’t care though, glad to have this media… gw bisa nulis apa yang mo gwe tulis n yang mo gwe sampein buat orang2 i care about [walopun ada 1 yang kayaknya berpeluang mungkin gak akan pernah baca nih blog hehe ;p, tapi gpp.... i don't care.. ;p].

he’s coming around again, not coming right front my eyes, but striking right through my mind, damn it!!!. kalu dah kayak gini, gwe suka sebel sendiri. susah tau jaga feeling, susah to keep it inside… padahal niatnya mo mengenyampingkang that one demi kelanjutan TA gwe, but i couldn’t keep it anymore, i’m tired lying to myself. *sigh in deep hopelessness*.

gak jarang kita [kita??? ok, gwe deh...] boong to ourself, cuma buat jaga feeling n buat nutupin kekecewaan to something. ok, frankly, i do that!!!. but now…. gwe capek!… [gak maksud ngeluh yah, cuma mengekspresikan perasaan,,,hehe lol ;p,]

this time, gwe gak mau ngeluarin those question words! knapa ini? knapa itu? apa sih?…. capek!!!

all i wanna do is just be frank to myself. caranya???

Nah itu dia… hahahaha… dia bingung…..#$%@&%$.

sempet gwe kepikiran to reveal all…. yah itu juga gara kompor yang bagus dari para lasses yang ntah knapa kok greget dengan keadaankuw wakakak ). tapi yah…semua kan back to me lagi kan… ;p
trus malemnya, beneran gwe pikirin lagi tuh plan to say ‘those words’…. kok jadi bingung sendiri, di sisi lain gwe pengen banget tell him, as this is one of my 2007 resolution (gilaaaa…. resolusi gwe gak penting banget yak hohoho),bilang doank!!! gak ada yang gwe arepin, gwe gak minta apa2 nor nuntut a thing, toh it’s all about me, gwe yang choose this road, so deal with it!!! no more wasting time ngeluhing (ngeluh + ing) anything!!. Eeeuuww… manstap gak tuh wekekekke .

Balik lagi neh, ke rencana pembilangan ‘those words’,, should i keep planing it??,, sial…. gara2 some conversation yang baru aja gwe alami pas gy konsultasi TA ma si ‘anak bungsu’ n partner in crime kuw,, jadi think twice gwe,….Aaaaarrghh…shit!!! doubts are coming around,, …*brasa pen ngais2 tanah*

Jujur, jiwa coward gwe masih mendominasi,, masih tetep gwe think ‘he’s too precious to try’, di sisi lain, gwe juga gak berani to reveal it, but i want to!!. alesannya?? seperti kata james morrison , when the pieces don’t fit anymore… what should we fight for??? …..should i just surrender and leave this story and loving him ikhlasly??? so there’s no ending for this story?? Aaahhh… entahlah….*bingung jungkir balik*

Well i can’t explain why it’s not enough
Cause i gave it all to you
and if you leave me now
Just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do,
It’s time to surrender,
It’s been to long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit here anymore
The pieces don’t fit here anymore  (the pieces don’t fit anymore – james morrison)

end of the lines…. no matter what… mau gak mau, in the end, i’ll let him know this,, at least…. dia pernah tahu, that there’ve lived a girl on earth who cares a lot about him…. the rest??….. i don’t wanna know…. it’s enough for just being honest to myself

p/s : Ndiy…soonlw harus mencopot  gelar ‘cupuw’ dari nama gwe!! hihi ;D

Mellow time… hihi…huhu…hoho… ;p

10.36 pm… ost : need to be next to you – leigh nash

masih belom mo tidur neh…. mo cerita dulu bentar… hihi ;p

baru pulang bis traktirannya rina ‘baby’, MET ULTAH YAH BABY!!! wish you all the greatest things happen ;>. kita makan ma anggota d angels lengkap (gwe, sita, ai, mpeb, rindu n baby) + v3 n nyu2n. kemana kita makan?? jeng…jeng… steak n shake kawi. twice sudah gwe buka di nih tempat, but kali ini…. entah mengapa membawa kenangan kembali (kok kedengeran jijik yah bahasa gwe mwehehehe ;p). yah.. kita makan di dalem… n it reminds me of a day last year. when everything was still so fine to us. everything was just laugh to us. everything was too beautiful to happen. Again, i lost in bliss of memory. and gwe sadar that i do miss him. *smile hopelessly*

“Been running from this feeling for so long
telling my heart i didn’ need it,
pretending i was better off alone,
but i know that it’s just a lie” [leigh nash - need to be next to you]

Sampe sekarang gwe gak tau knapa semuanya berubah?? karena gwe yang berubah jadi cewk kah? (did i??), atau karena gwe jujur that i do love him??? if it is so, then is it that bad knowing that i love him???

“For what it’s worth I like you
And what is worse I really do
Things have been worse
And we had fun fun fun
‘Till I said I love you
And what is worse I really do!” [the cardigans - for what it's worth]
Okay!!! if that is what he thought, i will do anything, i will take my ‘i love you’ back!! i will forget that i’m in love with you!!! tapi be right by my side, make me feel alright again….
it’s not just my silly thoughts, but it is what happening…. you’re walking away, you’re forgetting all, you’re not even seeing me (ya iyalah…ngapain juga ngeliatin gwe nwehehehe ;p). yang paling bkin gwe gak bisa napas… the fact that you don’t have that smile anymore…, i miss that one… *membik2 kayak kambing… hihi..itu mah ngembik yah….hoho*
ya suwlah….bisa apa gwe?? anggap aja gwe yang still not lucky for this another love story…. ;p. call me a coward, loser or anything you want. Kadang gwe juga bingung, some friends say gwe harus keep fighting for that gift, but apa yang harus gwe fight for now?? no berenti fighting, gwe dibilang cupuw…. yah… emang iya kok gw cupuw…. ;(
gwe jadi inget some beautiful words dari blog-nya temen gwe [senasibkah kita ndiy??? huhuhu], baguus banget, a really beautiful a note for goodbye…
I had already given you a chance, haven’t I?
So this is goodbye, I guess..
Um, well, there’s always a note for goodbye, isn’t it?
Here’s mine for you..

We will never have a beginning,
so we don’t need any ending..
You and I are just in a chaos..
You and I.. will never be us..
But you will always be one of mine..

You knew it too, rite, Dear?
We never have a beginning..
so we don’t need any ending.
You and I, let it be that way,
an unseen bond..

though I don’t want us to be ended up like that..
Do you?

*sigh*
ya udahlah… mo diapain lagi, if it’s goodbye, then goodbye, prince
eh iya, abis makan2 d angels melanjutkan perjalanan ke matos n futuw2…. hihi lucu2 deh, yaeyalah….hahaha ;p nih futuw2na… ada yang tertarik sama kita2??? huhu…. *promosi, depresi gak dapet si prince hehe*